My yoga teacher in Boulder, Sofia Diaz, said during class something along the lines of – if we could feel the grace that pours on us every moment of every day, we would be melted completely.
I have tasted the edges of this grace the past few evenings, walking at dusk in these warm late-summer days with our five-month-old snuggled in my arms, listening to the crickets and other clattering insects and watching the light from the day go from pink to dark on the mountains that I love.
May I also remember that grace when the same five-month-old needs to be carried around the kitchen instead of watching me cook or do dishes from the comfort of his bouncy chair or wakes me up in the night for the 6th time.
May I connect with the grace as I move through the world.
This summer has cruised by at a remarkable rate – though I feel like I’ve been more present for the individual moments more than at other points in my life.
It is incredible to watch a new being explore this world. From eyes and ears and nose, now everything is being explored by hands and mouth. He got to sit in his new high-chair today and gum some cucumber rings. AC flings himself forward from my lap trusting that he’ll be safe.
He doesn’t know about winter coming and I’m thankful for the bag of clothes that arrived yesterday with some good winter gear for him.
It’s curious to want to write about what this is to become a mother but also the feeling of holding it close, like a secret that I’m not quite ready to share with the world. Plus, my mind is fuzzy from the interrupted sleep which makes it trickier to feel like I’m making sense. I’ve been reading books about other mothers, and it’s good to hear stories, it makes me want to write, but also not sure how it would feel to be the child or husband to the storyteller as the stories go out into the world. We’ll see what balance I find.
There are kale chips in the oven: kale, olive oil, coconut oil, ground sesame seeds, salt and a bit of nutritional yeast. We like to bake them at low temperatures (200 degrees) even though they take longer – they are much less likely to burn.
There is laundry in the machine ready to be hung: diapers, and diaper covers.
There are slab ends in the driveway ready to be cut. Soon.
The list of things to do is long. On it is also walking, doing yoga and playing marimba.
I am liking “Farmacology: What Innovative Family Farming Can Teach Us About Health and Healing” by Daphne Miller, MD that I get to read while nursing and while the little one is napping. I just finished, “The No Impact Man” by Colin Beavan. And both lead me to feel that we are on the right track with our lifestyle and could be doing more.
So I called the local farmer for goat milk today which is good on both accounts of being a more sustainable choice and being good for the bacteria in my intestines.
Speaking of which, I need to also put on more water kefir.
And now I shall go tend to this life instead of just writing about it. And you?
My goodness, it has nearly been a full year since I last posted on this blog.
Most of this long silence was the cocoon of pregnancy and early motherhood. It has been a journey. . . and now my five-month old is being rocked to sleep by a friend and the words call to me.
I’ve been reading a lot as I nurse. Books about motherhood, experiments in how to live a good life, and a few novels. Reading has made me want to write, and the format of a blog is perfect for small pieces while the little one is asleep or being attended by another.
I’m not sure what I want to say today – just – hello- I plan to start blogging again.
I am thankful for my family and friends and the generosity that everyone has shown us as new parents.