What I really want to say feels generally buried just under my heart somewhere. I want brilliance and beauty and love and profundity and evolution. I want to know that I am in the right place doing the right thing. I want to know that my life serves the greater good and I also want to be sustainably happy. I want to glow with my zest for life, I want to radiate my beauty and strength and courage and wisdom and willingness and I want it to be authentic.

Yet some days there is sadness that lurks at the back of my throat. It says, “there is so much pain in the world. There is so much torment. It is dangerous to be too happy because then there is further to fall.”

This sadness says, “winter is nearly here and are you living your full potential?”

There is a wail in me for all the women past, present and future. There is a wail for all the children. There is a wail in frustration at a species that has gotten out of balance.

And. I take a breath. And another. Until it is clear, I can only live this one life. Until it is clear, I can only do the work in front of me. I pray for clarity. I put my faith in the children. I put my faith in soulful education. I put my faith in living well and in harmony with the earth. I put my faith in music. I put my faith in the simple rituals of noticing the new and full moons, the turning of the seasons. I go to the garden to harvest mullein leaf and lovage root. I practice my instrument. I love.

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