noticing

I don’t want this heartache that I don’t understand –

my life is beautiful, why this ache? why this crushing weight?

I’m mourning all the lives I will not have.
I’m mourning a hundred deaths.

The mind moves at light speed and my life moves at the speed of a life. Which is to say at the same speed as dirty dishes and the aloe plant reaching towards the sun. My mind can build a thousand outcomes to this life and bury them all in the space of time it takes me to vacuum the floor.

Now it is time to turn inwards. Winter is approaching. Quick. Gather the harvest, bury the roots. Honor this death. Honor the turn of seasons. Honor this body. Honor this knowing.

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