Brave

Several years ago a friend of mine was telling me about Brené Brown’s work about shame. At the time, I heard her excitement and was so happy that she was experiencing transformation, but I didn’t jump on the train. I don’t think of myself as experiencing a lot of shame. Overwhelm, sadness, feeling like I don’t always measure up to my expectations of myself, yes. But not shame.

The last several months I’ve been on a jag of reading books by women about being brave – Playing Big: Find Your Voice, Your Mission, Your Message by Tara Mohr. And another book that was on display at the library: Brave, Not Perfect: Fear Less, Fail More, Live Bolder by Reshma Saujani. I subscribe to Tara Mohr’s newsletter and she sent out a list of books (including hers) that was featured on NY Mag – The 8 Best Books For Career Advice, According to Executive Coaches. And next to Tara Mohr’s book was “Daring Greatly” by Brené Brown.

I went back to the library and it turned out they had a very fine collection of Brown’s work, so I requested some books and tallied forth gathering picture books for the little one.

I got “Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone” and I dove in. And I love this woman’s work. I love her advice about parenting and helping your child feel that they belong in your family, and everything else can sort itself out. I also got a nugget of wisdom around stopping shaming our children and meeting them in vulnerability when they are having feelings. Restraining myself from saying, “I told you not to do that, your not listening got you hurt.” Instead saying, “yes, I see you are in pain. It’s called road rash. I have had it before.” And then only after he’s feeling better asking, “what do you want to do differently next time?”

I’m on to Brown’s “The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are.” Now that I’ve been reading more of Brown’s work (and watching her online videos), I can see the ways that shame play in to my overwhelm, sadness, and not measuring up to my own expectations. I see how I like to play it safe and how I attack myself first in case it might come from outside. I see how I can use some reality checking on the “never good enough gremlins.” And I’m feeling a little calmer about my list of things to do. I’m attempting to prioritize the list, and I’m also really loving prioritizing playing and connection.

I built my Women’s Drumming webpage and will be starting classes again in the fall. And I’ve been writing more. I am feeling like writing in addition to music is one of the ways that is mine to share my unique voice. So we’ll see where this ride takes me. Blessings on your travels.

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Music Fun

Here’s a snippet from a recent performance debuting a new sound for our marimba ensemble.

I’m still so pleased with our debut album, “Music for Everyday Life” which we released in December of 2018. The physical CD and digital download are available on CD Baby and other online music retailers. The physical CD is also available locally at the Cirque, Root & Vine, The Creamery, and North Fork Family Dentistry.

I’ve been listening to a lot of clarinet music and will be featured on clarinet (marimba & percussion) at our Embodying Rhythm Quartet concert on June 20th at the Chapel of the Cross in Cedaredge.

I hope you have a great summer!

me and music, today

About five years ago I did a meditation connecting myself with the universe and look into the future. To dream my own unfolding. The insights were 1) yes, I wanted to be a mother. 2) I wanted to purchase a Zimbabwean style marimba.

Talking to other parents, it was clear that having a child would change everything and that it was a glorious, messy, tiring path. The little one is four now and is such a bright light, and yes, some work 🙂

Purchasing the marimba seemed like much less of a world-changer. But one marimba led to two, and two led to seven, and seven led to ten (+) and now I consider myself a musician where before I felt like a dabbling percussionist and I like that. I feel some clarity about my path that I did not used to have, and I like that too.

Currently, I’m in the middle of another self-imposed practice challenge: 30 minutes a day focused on deepening my relationship with music starting most days with active listening to a piece of recorded music. It’s good. Practice works. It doesn’t always work as fast as I’d like it to, and sometimes it reveals places that I was skimming over and tricking myself into thinking that I was better than I really am, which can be painful, but it really does work.

We’ve been in the recording studio with the marimbas for the past few months (did our first studio test nearly six months ago) and it’s neat (though sometimes intense) to see our debut album coming together. I am humbled by the process and have had to step up what I consider “being able to play something.” We’re recording the ensemble tracks in an open room without a click, so it requires some focus. That being said, I think that it will be a really good album and I’m a better player than I was six months ago.

In a process of seeing what a good second instrument might be for me, I just performed in the North Fork Community Choir last Sunday. Singing with a choir for the first time in 25 years was a really neat stretch for me and further opened me musically. It’s wonderful to be a part of a community that is inclusive as well as dedicated to making good music. And whether or not I fully take up vocal study, I know I’ll keep singing.

I’ve also been teaching marimba and really enjoying the process of helping other people claim and deepen their relationship to music, this Sunday we’ll focus on the 12/8 time-feel. I am also inspired to start offering women’s rhythm and drumming afternoons, I can feel that there is a potency to gathering as women, and I look forward to seeing what will unfold. Here’s a list of current events.

Another stretch is that David an I are offering our first sleep-away summercamp this summer! Marimba, Rhythm, and Music – outside Crawford at the foot of Black Mesa. The camp is geared for music enthusiasts grades 6 and up. Here’s the full details. We want folks who are excited to learn and be at the edge of the wilderness with no electronic devices. It’s going to be fun & immersive. I even have childcare lined up, whoop, whoop! We have a couple more spots and I’m curious who will fill out the ensemble. . .

“Perhaps more than any sense except smell, sound bypasses our rational mind to move us at a primal level.” Julia Cameron, Vein of Gold

here we are

Reading Big Magic

I just finished Elizabeth Gilbert’s book “Big Magic.”  I like books about creativity and fearless living, I have quite a collection and enjoyed her view on the subject.

I consider the life that I live a creative life – I dropped out of college (to later finish my degree in Expressive Art with a personal emphasis on leadership and healing) to wander around Portland, OR and participate in an Artist’s Way group and learn to meditate and feed myself after spending three months wandering around Europe and looking at art. I’ve spent time as a very underpaid professional aerial dancer and been the lead choreographer on a couple of projects. I’ve journaled pretty consistently since I was 10 and have a few poems in print. I consider myself to be crafty and have made most of the plates and bowls in my house during a pottery phase, nearly all the decorations on the Christmas tree, a fair amount of the art on our walls, and a good collection of the stuffed animals that the little one is enjoying right now.

One of the things that Gilbert recommends is following curiosity (rather than passion because passion can be so volatile). So, where is my curiosity today? Playing m’bira and playing marimba. The pesky desire to learn to sing a little better is still lurking – I haven’t scratched that itch yet – though I sing everyday to the little one and have been paying more attention to singing and learning new songs.

Gilbert also recommended calling on the trickster energy when things got sticky (vs. the martyr). I asked David today how he would recommend me trick some of the issues that I have with performing and he recommended performing with a worship team using my shaman energy. I like that answer and want to keep meditating on this because it seems that I end up on stage fairly often and I’d love to make peace with it – even to the point of embracing it as being part of my path right now (reading that feels scary, who would I be without this resistance to performance and the personal drama that ensues?). Kenny Werner, pianist and author of Effortless Mastery writes, “When you don’t try as hard to play good, you play better.” And I imagine that this is part of the trick as well. I have also noticed the last three shows that I’ve done that if I keep my blood sugar stabilized by eating smart snacks often, that helps too. I’ll keep looking into this.

our 1/21/17 Musical Caravan setup

time marches on

“Music is the art, the craft, and the science of organizing sound and silence in the framework of time.” – Michael Miller The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Music Theory

The November practice challenge was a great experiment for me, and a great way to structure my practice time. I will certainly keep practicing now that the practice challenge is complete, though I might let it breathe a bit more and see how it goes to have the goal of practicing daily but not a specific amount on a specific area and see where that leads me.

I’m sure that areas that need work will be revealed at this weekend’s 12/8 workshop.

Here’s a fun video of our 2016 Harvest Festival Parade – the community band is a great way to play with other folks. . . Monday nights at the Hotchkiss High School band room.

 

day 27 – goals matter

I was starting to wobble on the whole practice thing around day 24. The thought process went something like this – Why does it matter? No one but me is keeping track. I don’t even have any performances coming up for another two months. . .

Being the instigator of the practice challenge helped in keeping me going other than missing one 15-minute stick control session – it matters because I say it does and because consistency does matter. The wobble also pointed out to me that it was time to re-visit my practice goals. It just took a few minutes to look at my goals and to chart out the next several months and what I might like to work on and focus on for that time. Since then, my practices have been easier to motivate for and have been much more fun. It’s amazing what a difference that little goal-setting time made for me.

There is a lot of thinking about practicing and goal-setting out there. Since I’ve already spent some time with goal setting and practice, it just took a moment to re-focus my energy. If you haven’t – here‘s a link to a page to help get started. It can also be helpful to talk with a teacher or mentor to help get you pointed in the right direction.

Happy Practicing!

 

 

and a spoken word poem that feels relevant at this time on the planet . . .

12/8 workshops in December

After spending a fair amount of time working on material alone this month, and teaching a lovely 5 week class, I remember that one of my favorite ways to work on rhythmic concepts and music is with other people – so I’ve asked David to teach a couple of workshops in December, one on the 4th and one on the 18th. Feel free to contact me through our website: www.embodyingrhythm.com if you’d like more info.

Marimba Ensemble Workshops focusing on the 12/8 rhythmic feel. Deepen your relationship to this fun & elusive musical time-feel & the inherent polyrhythms held within. This workshop is geared for musicians who have at least some marimba experience or are an intermediate player of another instrument.

Day 15 of the practice challenge

It’s been fun to hear from a few people that are taking up the practice challenge (more info here). Yay. It’s certainly working as a motivating factor for me, so thanks for that. Some days it feels like no big deal and not really enough practice time to make a difference, but I can feel the consistency working and it is making a difference in my playing, willingness to take the time it takes to learn something, and musical ability. It’s also a great haven to hang out in when life feels a little crazy.

Last Saturday was the only day that I didn’t do my practice, but I listened to a great live concert – FEAST playing chamber music – so that was fun, and certainly felt like it counted as deepening my relationship with music. It’s been quite a few years since I performed with that crew and it was fun to hear the music from my new perspective from all the time I’ve been putting in with the Marimba Project, music is richer for me now.

In two days we travel to Maryland to visit David’s family – this will add another level of complexity for me to keep the practicing going while out of my routine here at home. Wish me luck.

slogging

day 7 of the practice challenge wasn’t particularly breathtaking for me. glad for the consistency and interesting to see how long it takes for a couple of the things I’m working on now to click.

however, as I’m thinking about it, I’m remembering that I used to spend a lot of time in resistance or frustration about practicing – so simply neutral is actually pretty darn good, really.